One of my friends got married a while back and she used to put up all these lovely posts on Facebook about how much she loved her husband and how lucky and happy she is. I said to my husband you watch in 12 months, 18 months tops the post will change and they did. She still said how much she loved him but now only on birthdays and anniversaries, her posts were now all about her child and how she is a strong woman.
I have a theory and it’s this: when you see a newly married couple the wife has this sparkle in her eyes and smiles from ear to ear all the time and then after sometime between 12 and 18 months, she develops what I call “the look”. That look that says I didn’t know marriage was like this, it’s not a walk in the park like I thought, it’s actually lot of work. At that point I say under my breath “you are most welcome to the club now you can seat with the grown ups.” No matter how much marriage counselling you get or how long you watched someone else’s marriage there are things no one tells you and you only discover once you have said “I do”. These are a few things no one tells you:
- If he was a frog when you married him he will not suddenly transform into a prince on the wedding night. He will still be a frog and it will take work to turn him into the prince charming you want him to be. And I mean a lot of work. Most women think things change and everything that was wrong with the relationship suddenly changes because they have now taken their vows. Wrong, the only thing that changes after the wedding is the woman’s surname and where she now lives.
- His wedding band will make him more appealing to other women.
- Men are visual, it’s their nature. Just because he looks doesn’t mean he has any sexual motive. If I am walking down the street with my husband and a beautiful girl is walking towards us or passes us and my husband doesn’t look then I will think he is up to no good.
- When you marry him you marry his family, including his crazy, smelly, annoying aunty that looks like chupa chups sweet because she is bleaching her skin.
- You will have to have his written permission to take the children outside the country.
- The way to his heart is not his stomach it’s through respect and sex (we are coming to sex next). The most important thing to a woman is security and she needs to know that the man, to his own hurt will meet her needs. The most important thing to a man is respect and he needs to know and feel respected by his wife. So when a man is talking to a woman he needs to speak security and when a woman is speaking she needs to speak respect. You can say anything to each other and get results if you follow these two rules.
- He is going to want sex all the time and sometimes it might make you wonder whether you have married a pervert, because it cannot be normal for someone to want that much sex. I assure you its normal and he is not a pervert.
- You will have to keep working on every part of your marriage till death do you part. You have to particularly work to keep your sex life interesting, by keeping fit and being adventurous in bed. You will also have to keep dating exactly like you did before you got married. That means you have get a new outfit, get your hair and nails done, brush your teeth and put your best foot forward.
- You cannot change him so stop trying. He will have habits that infuriate and really get under your skin and no matter how many times you tell him he will keep doing it because most times he can’t help it. You can however change how you respond to what he does, you will live longer and happier, trust me.
- Guys eat, poo and fart a lot. You can get irritated or you can get a very strong toilet freshener that gets rid of the smell. You might have the same meals but they seem to process them differently.
Related post Instead Of Hating The Other Woman, Learn From Her.